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Wednesday, January 18th, 2012
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Hello future, it's me Xandrie.
I'm writing to you from an IPad.
Blogging as they say.
Well, trying to blog. Blogging when my over zealous fingers arent sending me to other pages on LJ with my erratic typing style. This has happened now SIX times now. I am not feeling very optimistic.
i must say I've never really thought of this as a blog. It's a journal.
I'm sometimes very slow to embrace change.
I feel like there is so much to say about my life right now, details.
but details have never been what this journal is about.
Thats why it generally goes unwritten in when times are good.
(unwritten in. Is that proper grammar?)
I generally don't like to just list the changes. The changes seem to only gather up when I'm not writing.
Vicious circles.
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♥ drug me
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10 stops till she drops,
dressed up to the 9s
8 o'clock on the dot on her 7th line
6 to the best,
low 5 for the rest
I'm 4 on the floor, Miami
10 stops till she drops,
dressed up to the 9s
8 o'clock on the dot on the 7th line
6 to the best,
low 5 for the rest
I'm 4 on the floor, miami counting. miami counting
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♥ drug me
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Wednesday, May 20th, 2009
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being in an lj community and not posting frequently:
its like being the silent kid in the room, only you're not just silent, you're completely invisible...
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1 pill ♥| ♥ drug me
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today is my 23rd birthday. last year was one of the most incredible years of my life. i think its just going to get better. i am so blessed. i have always been blessed. it amazes me its taken me this long to see it. i have the most amazing people in my life. and you LJ friends (even ones i've never met IRL) i love you all too.
thank you.
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9 pill ♥s| ♥ drug me
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Tuesday, March 10th, 2009
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so i just spent a very long time updating my journal, only to have space, time and the internet gobble it up entirely.
where is my "restore from saved draft"?!
i hate repeating myself, but i suppose there are a few points of interest i was discussing.
there are exciting things coming up for me in the month of march:
SATURDAY MARCH 14TH a.m - meeting with wilhelmina modeling agency. i'm not really too sure how to feel about this. i am currently the right measurements and proportions to model (i am currently 5'9.5", 32.5"-23.5"-32.5"! nice eh?) my arms look lean and healthy for the first time in well... ever. probably since childhood!(i still think they look fat, but in my heart i know that they're muscular and i am neurotic) my skin is looking better since the prescription (still not 100% but i'm starting to see improvement & it quit peeling off). i think i have more confidence than i did when i met with elite, and still more than i did as an early teen model.i have to remember that this whole modeling thing came from the desire for two possible life outcomes - to eventually become a photographer, or to eventually become an actress. i'm not sure if i want either of those things as much as i used to. i'm not sure i could have an agency telling me how to look all of the time. i'm not sure if i could have someone telling me to lose more weight all the time. i'm afraid it would push me over from "a bit obsessive" to "sick". though i think my overall health (both mental & physical) has dramatically improved with increasing my exercise level. i would be interested in alt modeling, but it seems the majority of that is porn & i am not all about showing my twat on the internet. twat. what a terrible word.
SATURDAY MARCH 14th p.m - BBSD vs CCRG
i am not jamming! woo! thank fucking goodness! i may have kicked serious ass at the last bout, but i'd rather be a blocker. i'm aggressive. i'm 5'9.5"- i've got a wicked "can-opener"! not to mention i have become very good at knowing whats going on around me and using it to my advantage. i no longer get flustered in the pack. i am smilingly evil, collected, determined. my stance is fucking wicked these days. though to be completely honest i am TERRIFIED i'm going to get hurt. it would be the worst possible time for me to hurt myself. also not looking forward to the FIVE HOUR DRIVE :(
FRIDAY MARCH 20th - my 23rd birthday!!
i've decided that i'd like to have a party. what is this big house & yard for if not throwing epic parties?? i've allotted myself THREE THOUSAND calories for that day. lol. since my calorie counting is now daily AND weekly i can move things around more, which makes for a happier and better fed xandrie. the idea of eating/drinking pretty much anything i'd desire for my birthday is very appealing. especially in the midst of all this pre-ULTRA dieting. i've been fantasizing about it for some time now- this crazy smorgasbord of food. it will involve some of my mother's famous hors d'oeuvres, broasted chicken (which is like fried chicken, only more delicious) and chips, as well as several desserts.
its crazy to think that my mother was 23 when she had me. when i was in elementary school i made a life time line & according to it age 23 is the year i get married. suppose its going to be wrong, but it just blows my mind to think about both of those things. being a mother at 23/my mother at age 23, and as a child how i thought i would be at 23.
SATURDAY MARCH 21st - wildchild's birthday xtravaganza
john b will be spinning, i will be dancing. should be a pretty awesome time!! all of the ultra-goers will get to meet up and squeal for joy about our upcoming trip.
MONDAY MARCH 23rd -get awesome hair!
champagne blonde, bright green, blue, platinum and teal. my hair is going to be HUGE and AWESOME!
WEDNESDAY MARCH 25th - leave for ULTRA
THURSDAY MARCH 26th- DANCING AT TECHNOSLUTS PARTY!
FRIDAY MARCH 27TH- ULTRA
SATURDAY MARCH 28TH- ULTRA
SUNDAY MARCH 29TH- relaxing in miami
i love my life!
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8 pill ♥s| ♥ drug me
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Friday, February 6th, 2009
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so i feel like i haven't updated this journal in so long. truth is i update every day, sometimes twice, but its always about food or exercising or both or neither.
sometimes i feel like its all i think about.
i know, though, that its not for no reason.
seems that when i think back upon everything in my life it has all happened for a reason. everything. painful things, happy things. the people i know and knew, people who loved me, hated me. they have all lead me to the place i am now.
and when i put it all down, my life is pretty fantastic.
i have the most amazing, wonderful boyfriend who i love entirely
i have a family that loves me within walking distance
i have the most amazing friends anyone could ask for and even though they're far, they're close to my heart
i have a beautiful shabby chic home filled with sunlight
i'm beautiful, young, tall, blonde, size 0
i have THE cutest and most wonderful doggie children who light up my life
i'm the co-captain of a hardworking committed roller derby team
i drive a black 2005 BMW 330i
the weird go go/internet celebrity status is breaths away
( i get to dance )
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1 pill ♥| ♥ drug me
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Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008
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since "xan munition" has been nixed i have to come up with a new derby name asap as i might be playing with panama city this weekend in AN ACTUAL WFTDA BOUT!!!
agent x
miss mass destruction
xandrie ammunition
D.O.A (has duel meaning as "director of awesome")
miss munition
what do you think?
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5 pill ♥s| ♥ drug me
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Wednesday, July 2nd, 2008
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i just read my entire journal starting from november 11th 2003.
the parts i needed to write about most i never did, but the skeletal record of my emotions throughout the years is quite interesting.
so i'm going to say it again "i'm going to keep up with my journal"
you MIGHT be able to believe me this time.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
today:
day five without eyesight and i'm settling in to things being hazy
i don't wear makeup
i don't make small talk
i find these to be pleasant side effects
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
update:
i feel genuinely happy
i feel loved & trusted * love & trust in return
i have begun to cultivate an AMAZING AMAZING group of friends here(to add to my AMAZING AMAZING group of friends elsewhere)
i feel with them that great sense of family i was terrified i would never find again.
our friendships feel effortless in the best way possible, everything just seems to fit.
we laugh honestly
and i am not ashamed to be myself
i see myself starting to let down my guards
i am becoming in touch with my ..er... greater self? my higher consciousness. and have recently been experiencing an unusually high number of synchronicities and am beginning to fine tune an almost undeniable talent for sensing the human energy field. also twice recently have had a sense much greater than deja vu in which i felt quite certain i had dreamed the event and was able to accurately predict the next set of actions to take place.
*cue twilight zone music*
rollerderby is my new drug of choice
very few things in my life compare to the feeling i get from pushing myself that hard
and succeeding. seriously succeeding. my first bout as jammer was a flawless victory
i have found the electronic music scene, and have made good friends with the guy who puts on the best parties. last month i danced on stage as charles feelgood performed and in july if things go according to plan i will be dancing on stage to JEN LASHER.wow. i love her. and of course with the scene comes an eclectic group of acquaintances. now at shows i can flit around and socialize & be adored profusely by gays again.
best of all i feel that i have finally entered a truly good head-space. i am being MYSELF. i am not making excuses. i am not lying. i'm just xandrie and if you don't like her you can fuck off.
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6 pill ♥s| ♥ drug me
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Thursday, March 20th, 2008
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today is my 22nd birthday.
i feel like there is so much to be said about the last year of my life
but i haven't yet forgiven myself for it
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1 pill ♥| ♥ drug me
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Thursday, February 7th, 2008
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Monday, December 3rd, 2007
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Wednesday, September 5th, 2007
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its a good thing i'm broke... 'cause..
o fuck.
yeah, it happens i suppose.
lets make a list of the AWESOME things in my life currently shall we?:
* i scheduled classes only to find i can't come up with tuition in time
* ipod overheats & dies (this is the only source of music for my jeep)
* bank overdrawn/owe bank $350.00
* made only $140.00 on supposedly the most lucrative night of the year at christie's
* phone has been dead for nearly 48hrs, phone charger is lost (as of this morning i bought a new one)
* (once i finally get my phone charged) recieved "dear john" text from trout
* MY PARENTS ARE GETTING DIVORCED
* MY MOM & SISTER ARE MOVING TO FLORIDA BEFORE SEPTEMBER
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6 pill ♥s| ♥ drug me
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Thursday, July 12th, 2007
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unless you're in from australia or waving money at me, don't plan on seeing me for at least 2 weeks.
<3 xandrie
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5 pill ♥s| ♥ drug me
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Thursday, April 12th, 2007
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Tuesday, March 20th, 2007
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also.. i wish i knew where my nintendo DS charger was.
GRRR
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♥ drug me
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Thursday, March 15th, 2007
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i think i'm pretty much infatuated with my violet & plum hair.
that is all.
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2 pill ♥s| ♥ drug me
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i found these images on a disc from two years ago. dana and i are 19. hahaha
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2 pill ♥s| ♥ drug me
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Saturday, February 17th, 2007
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.2){kind=small}
nothingless's journal
crushed.
amused.
